Carnival Vista Day Breakdown

20th July 2016

I’ve recently finished a cruise contract on the tremendously wonderful ship, Carnival Vista. This ship is a grand ol’ floating chunk of fancy technology. Beautiful ship and crew. A true delight and I’m super looking forward to going back in a couple of days. But, day one was a pretty tough day. I thought I’d give a run down of it here:


03:30am - Alarm goes off. 


03:35am - Alarm goes off again


03:40am - Alarm goes off for the last time. I stop swearing and get showered. 


03:55am - Stuff some toast in my face (marmalade. yum!) and load the car. 


04:00am - Drive to London Heathrow. Listened to Bill Burr’s Monday Morning Podcast.


05:55am - Arrive at Heathrow. Queue to check in bags. I love queueing. 


06:30am - Eat some breakfast while watching “8 out of 10 cats does Countdown” on my computer. I was laughing like a maniac.


07:55am - Take flight to Stuttgart. Sleep like a toddler.


10:10am - Walk around aimlessly in Stuttgart airport for a few hours, eating snacks, listening to more podcasts (Pappy’s Bangers and Mash, Penn’s Sunday School and The Adam Buxton Podcast)


13:30pm - Take flight to Naples. Sleep like a drugged sloth. 


15:35pm - Arrive in Naples. Collect luggage (it arrived again! I’m on a lucky streak). Meet driver to take me to the ship. 


16:20pm - Arrive on the ship and realise my show is tonight. 


16:30pm - I wipe my tears and watch a long (BUT NECESSARY!) compulsory safety video and answer a safety questionnaire. 


17:05pm - Meet the tech team in the theatre. Do my technical rehearsal. The theatre on this ship is amazing and the tech team kicked butt. They made my life very easy. 


17:50pm - Stuffed some nutrition into my lowest face hole. 


18:05pm - 15 min power nap.


18:20pm - Shower


18:30pm - Dapper myself up and get ready for the show.


19:00pm - Head to theatre in my swagger. Warm up and set props. 


19:30pm - Do my 45 mins of juggley nonsense (my show).


20:20pm - Reset props


20:35pm - Change shirt and get more water


(It’s getting dull now, so I’ll insert a joke: What do you get if you have a green ball in your right hand and a green ball in your left hand? Kermit’s undivided attention.)


20:50pm - Stretch and warm up.


21:30pm - Take the 45 min juggle-train to tricks-ville (Do my show).


22:20pm - Pack up my case


22:35pm - Get clean


11:30pm - Drink a beer and give myself a pat on the back for not dying. 


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"Juggler, standup comedian, and with a Faustian earned ability to defy the laws of gravity (unsubstantiated, but seriously... how else?), Jon Udry brings a stage show to make any circus ringmaster weep into his lion's mouth. Honestly, the man is like a mix of Bez and Magneto - big-fish-little-fishing his way around the impossible and back again.

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