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Appendicitis Party

15th June 2017

I’ve been a little off radar recently as I have been in hospital and in recovery. One of the worst things (not really) about having an operation is having to go through the rigmarole of telling the story to everybody over and over again. So I thought I’d write a blog about it! Here we go…

I had a great gig in Rhodes a couple of weeks ago. Sunshine. Lovely audiences. 3 shows in 2 nights (one of which was a late night show which I always love), and I also managed to get my new ball bouncing bit into the show. Everything was going swell! Below is a little clip of me doing my 7 bounce juggle for the first time on stage. This was very exilerating for me, because with a 7 ball bounce juggle, when it goes wrong, it can me cataclysmic!

This was my 3rd show in Rhodes. The show was 50 minutes long, the night before I did a 45 minute show and a 30 minute show. So I feel like I was feeling physically quite good. The next day my flight wasn't until 11pm, so my plan was that I had the entire day in Rhodes to relax. This was not what happened. 

The next day at 7am I woke up with stomach pains. I had no idea what it was. To be honest I just thought I’d eaten something funny and needed to visit the little soldiers room. I visited, but I had no visitors, if you get my drift. In a nutshell (urgh), I thought I was constipated. So instead of swimming in the sea, climbing mountains and galavanting through the Greek towns, my plans were inconveniently put on hold to try and sort my stupid stomach. I tried the classics; mint tea, coca cola, coffee, but still no relief. The pain got worse, so I just lay down for the entire day! There are worse places to have chronic stomach aches. 

I arrived to the airport that evening in agony. I lay on the floor of the airport at dignity level zero, and waited for my flight. Unfortunately, a lot of people I had performed for in Rhodes, were also flying home that day. So I must've looked like I had had a post show party with Pete Doherty. By this point the pain had spread from my stomach to my legs and lower back. I did the thing which I usually think is the worst thing to do; I Googled it. Appendicitis came up quite a lot. But so did a bunch of other terrifying options; stomach ulcers, kidney stones, period pains. It all sounded rather unsavoury, so as I boarded the plane, I alerted the air hostess to the situation, and she contacted the medical team. We all then proceeded to have a 1 hour conversation about whether it was safe for me to fly. We decided it would be ok. It was by far the worst flight of my life. I was doubled over in discomfort. There were a couple of moments where my body would get the shakes. My entire body would be shaking like a pair of pants on the washing line in the wind. Or you know when you are outside and there is an insect on your foot, and then you vigorously shake it to get it off, well, like that, but my whole body, and involuntarily, and for 20 minute shifts. I’ve never been very good at similes. I later realised this is when the Doctor suspects my appendix ruptured. The team on the Thomsons flight were amazing. They fetched many blankets when I was shaking my body, and they also gave me a hot drink to hold in order to warm me up, which it did, because my case of the shakes caused me to spill it all over my legs. Toasty. 

I went straight from the airplane into an ambulance and was rushed to hospital where they sorted me right out with drugs and a very flattering backless gown. My bed was then wheeled into a small room the size of standard shed where I am met with 3 people. One of the women is messing around with my hand and injecting me with something, another is putting an “oxygen” mask on me, and then there was this mysteriously charming man who, as far as I was concerned, was just talking nonsense to me. But fascinating nonsense. Truly riveting. The next thing I know, I am in a different room, and I wake up thinking, “Right, lets do this operation”, but it was all done! I was amazed at how distracting the 3 tricksters were. The charm of a stage pick pocket but the chemistry of Walter White. A perfect combo. I felt this quiver around my legs and discovered that I had woken up with vibrating socks on. Now, I had never had an operation before, at this point I wasn’t even convinced the operation was done, and to be honest, I never even knew that vibra-socks existed. So to wake up from an operation, to then be wearing shaking socks was quite the experience. I later found out they were to help with my circulation and to prevent me from having a good nights sleep. 

I stayed in hospital for a couple of days. It was an eventful time; a doctor flashed my nether regions to a room full of interns. A nurse, after taking my drain bag out from my naval (GROSS!), whispers into my ear and says “That is the first time I have ever done that!”. And my girlfriend Pippa gets told off for trying to stay the night. It was all rather exciting.

I could not have gotten through this without Pippa, my family and my friends. Everyone stepped up and had my back and I’m very thankful for that. Pippa bought me enough chocolates and sweets to allow me to slip into a diabetic coma. She has also been my carer throughout all of this. I really am very lucky to be her boyfriend!

My friend Sam made a visit to the ward and made me laugh too much. To the point where we had to put a ban on humour due to post op pains. 

I live in Bristol. My car was at Gatwick airport carpark and my luggage was at Gatwick airport. My family live in Cornwall. I was in a hospital somewhere in Surrey. Getting me home was a conundrum and a half. My morphine filled bodily system couldn’t compute such a dilemma. But my family were all over it. My legendary Mum and Dad drove 5 hours from Cornwall to Surrey and picked me up. I was wheeled around in the airport like the luggage that I was there to collect. We then got my car, and drove in convoy to Chez Jon. An utter palaver, but nothing that Team Udry couldn’t conquer.

My family, friends and Pippa never cease to amaze me. Thank-you big time to you all. I could’ve in no way done it with out you. 

I have had to cancel 4 weeks worth of gigs, but I am well and truly on the mend. I’ll be keeping you posted. In the mean time, rest rest rest. 

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